Thursday, September 08, 2011

It will be here soon

"Autumn Spirit II"

- You see me... You see me, there's no point looking away.
- Yes, yes I see you. But you're not due yet. It's not autumn, not just yet. Have you looked at the trees, the leaves are still green.
- But still you see me, though it's not the time. Have you let go of my gifts already?
- Have I let go? I have nothing. Nothing for you to take. Unless you crave emptiness? Or the feeling of loneliness, the feeling of wanting to lay down, wanting to be forgotten. You want those? I am as you left me.
- No, it is not what I want
- Then what? Why have you come?
- I already said why I have come. And you're wrong. You are not empty. Far from it. You feel emptiness, but to be empty... no, you are not empty. The longing, the mourning, the pain inside you, they cannot empty you, they cannot drain the things that fill you. And you know that. You say you have nothing, yet you feel so much. That is not nothing.
- So... you're here to drain me then?
- No, why I'd do that? To take away the things that give you reason? The only things that makes sense, that makes you open your eyes in the morning. There wouldn't be anything left after that, nothing to feed upon, nothing to grow if I'd take away all those things. I would starve. And so would you. We'd both die. That is not my purpose, to end existence.
- Then what, you want my ability to feel? I already gave up that once, you're too late.
- Yes, that you did, but you got it back. You don't give up anything you don't want to give up. There's always the choice and the choice is always yours, never mine. I have never taken anything from you by force, I have never collected anything that didn't already have the stench of death in them. I'm the collector, I take only dead bodies, I'm not the one killing them. I'm not the one sitting amid them, trying to hold on to something rotten, that is already gone.
- Fuck you and fuck off, I'm tired of listening to you.
- Yes, I'll go, it was not my choosing to come here at this time in the first place. It was your growing need to dispose something, the craving to let go. You take your time and think what it is you need to let go this time. But now, right now it is not the right time. Not just yet...